The Pope: A Conversation in Hell

by Jon Rappoport

November 3, 2021

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Within an hour of passing from this life, Pope Francis found himself in a small office. Worn carpet, a desk, two chairs. The wall paint was peeling. A young man wearing a white tropical suit walked in and sat down behind the desk. He motioned the Pope to the chair across from him.

Where am I?

In Hell, Francis.

That’s impossible.


I’m the Pope.

There’s another way to look at it. Why wouldn’t you be here?

No, really. There’s obviously been an error. A tragic mistake.

I’m afraid not. Our transport system is bulletproof. It runs on AI.

Then…then you’re Satan?

Good one, Francis. No. I’m Sid, the assistant director of Human Resources.

Where is Satan? I demand to speak with him.

Satan doesn’t do celebrity intake. He didn’t even speak with Stalin. Or Torquemada.

Look, I don’t care about your system. I’ve been sent to the wrong place. I’m destined to meet with the Savior and His Father.

Yeah, well, that’s not going to happen. You’re here, this is Hell, and that’s that.

Baloney. How do I get a message through to God?

After all this time, you don’t know how? Anyway, we’re blocked off. No service from here to there.

There must be an angel I can talk to.

Another good one. No, Francis, we’re all out of angels.

I have resources. Art, gold, manuscripts.

You HAD them.

Get the Vatican on the phone.

We used to have a direct line. But then they stopped paying their bill.


I’m afraid so. For the duration.

This is unconscionable. Somebody has their wires crossed. There are millions of people named Francis. I was switched out.

Or you deserve to be here. Let’s talk about that.

There must be something I can offer you.

In the abstract, bribery is an interesting conversation, but we’re way past that.

What’s the set-up here? Who needs favors and blessings?

We run a tight ship. We have a schedule. Monday is medical day. Right now, we’re performing a series of experiments on brain-computer interface. Volunteers are attached through skull probes to a program that loads them up with advanced mathematics. The integration phase has run into serious problems. Instead of data, people are experiencing raw electronics. The pain levels are exceedingly high. So we’re trying to counteract that with drugs.

You’re not serious.

This is Hell.

You said “volunteers.”

On Mondays, you could opt for a clinical trial of high-dose AZT. We’re measuring the timeline of cell death. AZT essentially stops cells from replicating. In layman’s terms, the body decays rapidly and falls apart.

This must be a dream.

On Tuesday, we strap you to a treadmill traveling 37 miles an hour for two hours, while gradually lowering you into the lake of fire.

What have I done? What have I done to deserve this?

Let’s talk about that. For instance, the deal with the Chinese.

The Chinese are a wonderful people.

Sure. We’re all wonderful, Francis. I’m talking about the Chinese regime and Xi Jinping.

You mean the Vatican support for abortion? Our endorsement of their social credit score system? The conferences on integrating Catholicism and Communism?

That would be a start.

So what? So what if we made those accommodations? China is a powerhouse. I wasn’t just going to sit there and watch them roll over us. Sid, they already control half of Italy. Why do you think the first COVID lockdowns in the West started in my backyard?

Your allegiance was to Jesus and God.

You’re joking, right? Even God makes deals. He applies pressure, gets what he wants, and then he backs off. Send a plague, obtain compliance, declare a truce. It’s all about the action. One player gets one piece, another player gets another. You spread out the baksheesh, you pocket the vig.

Now we’re getting somewhere. Similar situation with climate change, right?

Just another deal. Another hustle. These flim-flam artists really believe they can measure the Earth’s overall temperature? Are you kidding me? Much less the HISTORY of the temperature? But that’s the play now. The UN Panel. They’ll package the threat of a planetary collision between the Earth and Mars, if it’ll give them a leg up.

You saw an opportunity.

Of course. I’m the number one humanitarian in the world when it comes to hunger and inequality. Those are my talking points. I can do a bang-up job of faking a connection between them and climate change. So I’m needed. The grifters involved are all already making out like bandits on climate. So they sit down with me, I negotiate my ten percent. Plus they get to reduce energy production all over the world. You know, as the “solution.” This gives them more poverty and debilitation, which are good for their business—Control. I’m in the same business. We see eye to eye.

I like it, Francis.

Wait a minute. I’m losing the thread. I mean, you’re on my side, right? You get an insight into my strategy and you approve. Yes?

Absolutely. You’re talking our language.

So then why are you talking about Monday and Tuesday and subjecting me to all kinds of torture on your schedule, if I’m not here to pay for my sins?

Francis, I would have thought you’d figured that out a long time ago. We’re sadists. We enjoy our work. That’s all. We don’t truck with Heaven. We have no opinion or knowledge about them. We just accept the souls who show up here. I’m happy you’re with us. But we need raw material. You’re it.

What?! There’s nothing moral about punishment in this place?

Moral? Think it through, Francis. Again, this is Hell.

All right. I’m a fast adapter. There are things, then. Things I could teach you, Sid.

I don’t think so. We’ve been around the block a few million times. We know our business.

There’s no money involved?

We’re cashless. Let me show you to your room. It has a view of the lake…

I’m having a mental health problem. Can I see a doctor?

This place is filled with doctors. I can get you in this afternoon. You supported psychiatric treatment while you were at the Vatican, right? Here, though, the doctors tend to be a little bent. They go to extremes with their treatments. I’ll make a few calls and find you an unenthusiastic straight shooter. Of course, experiencing what a standard protocol of Haldol does to the nervous system…the tranquilizing effect is only stage one. After that, the neurons start firing randomly. Impulse control goes out the window…

I want out!

Ah, but you’re in, Francis.

Exit From the Matrix

(To read about Jon’s mega-collection, Exit From The Matrix, click here.)

Jon Rappoport

The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.

40 comments on “The Pope: A Conversation in Hell

  1. Paul says:

    “Then…then you’re Satan?

    Good one, Francis.
    No. I’m Sid,…”


    NICE !
    Genius & Hilarity.
    They go together.

  2. richard l ruesch says:

    this is a keepsake story …..more more more

    • Rubicon says:

      Sorry, Jon. You picked the wrong target. The current Pope is a mere stick figure.

      Huh? Yeah, it’s most of the Cardinals, and especially the powers within The Vatican Bank who are “in charge.”

      The name of the Pope who lasted only 6 days as Pontiff: Pope Paul I?

      Why? Because the Cardinals/Vatican Banksters learned this religious leader was mouthing off way too much about the corruption in the Church. He promised to hold a large council on Church corruption.

      At least he tried to stand up. Ended up being poisoned. Most future pope’s learned that lesson well.

  3. Rob says:

    Jon, you make me believe that you actually sat in on this conversation, truly creative yet almost non fiction. You, my friend, have something I strive to have, unlimited imagination, we can only hope this lies ahead for the pope, I am sure it will, I pray it will, I will it to, and so it shall be in my mind, I can now almost imagine my own demise, I won’t be in hell, and I won’t be in heaven, I will just be where your everyday basic good humane goes, probably a nice pub with interesting fair play people, shooting dome darts, playing some pool, and making my wife Crack up

  4. Paul says:

    “We see eye to eye.

    I like it, Francis.”


    What Truth,
    Was The Eye,
    Originally Created for ?

    This I ask.

  5. Paul says:

    An Elemental Solution
    A Baptism,
    Of sorts.
    Willingly taken
    About & Within.
    A Hearted Solution
    To any Evil Fired Lake.

    But it’s a choice.

    When the road
    Is carved
    Up yonder…
    When the crowd
    To wander.

    Your road
    It was called
    From yonder.
    Never sold
    It’s in the water,
    It’s in the story,
    Of where you came from.
    Your sons & daughters
    In all their glory
    Its gonna shape ’em.
    And when they pledge
    And come together
    And start rising…

    ~ Radioactive {K of L}


  6. Chris Toles says:

    Well, well, well…

    This was kick ass!

    If I was 30 years you younger, I would kick all of the Vatican’s asses!!! 🤭🤣

    This one was great truth!

    I pray ‘we the people’ crush the regime!!!

  7. Lori Wayne says:

    This is a great read, unique sattirical insight! Love your work Jon.

  8. Space Cowboy says:

    I’ve been saying for some time our devll-worshipping pontificating Pervert has earned himself a seat in the lowest hottest tier of Hell alongside Gates and of course Billy (Arkansas’ own Snopes) Clinton famous for such scams as while governor selling prisoners’ blood to the Canadian Red Cross ( think hemophiliacs and.lymphoma and dialysis patients).

  9. From Elsewhere says:

    There is something we must do, otherwise… Pfizer lied about trials, FDA covered the lies. Poisoned, less resistant to pressure… Now the threat changes, shifting towards blackouts, riots, scarcity of resources, like China advised their people to stack up, pile up and prepare.

  10. Gerry D says:

    Just in time as I was thinking how I was going to bring up the subject in my letter to the bishop. In the division of ‘right and wrong’ side who is right and who is wrong. Fortunately in our small house hold of two (1 vaxxd, 1 non vaxxd) we get along quite well.

  11. Rosline Loutsios says:

    Jon, what an absolutely delicious mind you have! As a second English language speaker, I love your exquisite skills in thinking, in writing the way you do. I am learning so much from you. Thank you.

  12. BoogeymanSlayer says:

    Knowing that this is satire, I still secretly hoped it would be true for this wreck of a human. Unfortunately, the true part in this article is that the Pope condones these actions on live people today. You cleverly reminded us of that.

    Jon, you are a masterful writer.

  13. J Gray says:

    Love it – you really keep me going!

  14. dnomsed says:

    Lovely. Thank you. 🙂

  15. Kyle Young says:

    How is it that such a warped figure head is also in charge of the morality of millions, especially regarding abortions?

    Oh yeah, its the institutionalization of religion. The imposition of a self chosen hierarchy that conjures its own dogma and doctrine and makes sure all profits flow to the top. Yup, just like a corporation.

  16. inominos says:

    Loved it. Thanks 🙂

  17. Diane says:

    Good read. A place called Hell or Karma, same diff. The old fool will get his just deserts, like everyone else who screws with Natural Law. Take heed Ruling Families and minions.

  18. alison Cline says:

    Wow, I bet that was fun to write. Your imagination keeps me entertained. I hope the saying holds true: If you can imagine it, it can be done.

    If death just means the light goes out, I hope the light of this individual goes to the place you imagine.

    • Deanna Johnston Clark says:

      If people knew how close the next world is and how quickly they could wake up there…maybe they would stop and smell the flowers more and show kindness, just smiling at those waiting at bus stops.

      For Americans a virtue to work on is patience…God is pulling us over for speeding and worshiping efficiency,

  19. Tom Bernard says:

    Perfect, I needed a good laugh… but sadly for a monumental number of Christians; that just about covers the details of their future… but we’ll start up with that again tomorrow… Today I’m just going to enjoy the smile…

  20. michael burns says:

    A man enters the office and escorts Francis out, as another man, crying enters the small office.

    The door closes and they cross a waiting room packed shoulder to shoulder to the windows with people from all walks of life. All have worried looks.

    Francis is escorted out of the building and down towards the lake, to a gazebo engulfed in flames in front of another building overlooking the lake of fire and brimstone. The attendant looks behind them towards a dilapidated three-story-stone rectory like building glowing red hot, in places white hot — priests in open windows were frying their morning eggs on the window sills and the sound of sizzling and frantic prayers and the occasional screaming and wailing.
    Franny breaks into a horrible fear-filled guttural sound, weeping and falls to his knees hands grasp in sobbing prayer. The corner of white cassock, now filthy after days and days of use, catches fire from the gazebo. Francis runs around screaming like a little small girl and slapping at the igniting cassock.

    The attendant looks back and says loudly as he parts “Oh that won’t help, it actually encourages them – someone should be along shortly to show you to your room, its up there, at the end, a corner room with a view on two sides of the burning lake — the flames get brighter and louder at night, well, actually there is no night. I should say sleepy time…yes they’re brighter at sleepy time.”, as he points back to the rectory.

    He walks back to Franny and hands him an ombrellino, “Here he says…” pointing up, its going to rain…fire that is…the stuff sticks and you can’t put it out.”, the attendant leaves.

    Francis drops into deep sobs and deranged moans, uttering Latin verse of ancient prayer, he collapses and falls to the ground hands over his face not to see the flames and fire tortured landscape that surrounded him. An odd kind of flying thing flutter by making a sweet and tender sound, Franny looks up at the flying thing, the only pleasurable sound he had heard here since arriving only to see the thing burst into flames and fall to the ground screaming in agony.

    He sobs loudly again hands in face and falls into outer delirium and faints and wets his cassock.

    He awakes, dazed and confused into a strange room with a man looking over him, the man checking franny eyelids and tapping on the front of his forehead.

    The man with a voice like Tim Conway says, “Soo, are you avake, seems you have a fainting zing. Does zat happen alotz Mister Phrancis?”

    Its Francis not Phrancis. No, I don’t faint and my title is Pope Francis, you are suppose to say ‘Your eminence’ or I’ll except ‘Father Francis’.

    Zo, how long have you hadz zis ah superior complex zing. How long have been thinking you are da popey.

    I’m not the popey, I’m the pope, the real pope, ya know the one in Rome…the Vatican.

    Real…Rome. Hmm…zo you tinking you are alive?
    I’m tinking that a good strongz three veek schedule of za ice bath for say, 60 minutes, seven days a week, followed by ze hot swim in the lake and zay twenty minutes… Oh vat da hell, make 60 minutes on my new electro-conversion therapy machine. It’s my own invention I used it in ze campz, its ah a new version of ze old vay – not so many sparks and smoke anymore, it haz come to brings ze patient to his senses…it ah…helps to clear ze fog, quickly.
    And zen… some good exercise time on ze treadmill, a goot speedy, fast run say another 30 minutes – wowser, ve have some goot ones, they go zip zip Mister Phrancis. There’s an exercise place down by ze lake. And you have to go, uttervise its da penal restraint and ze dark room with the moaning people”

    OH, MY GAWD!

    Oh, don’t say zat, zat only brings interest to yourself by ze others, you know ze ones with the waggly tail and ze big teefins. You seen any of zose guys yet? Zay drool a lot.

    Francis sobs wails and bangs his head against the wall behind him, wailing and pulling at his sideburns, he pees his pants again and then poops them. A strange image comes to his mind, a vague earthly image of a moment past when he met President Joe Biden.

    Zo, I have za little prescription for you too Mister Phrancis for something to keep you alert, if you don’t take it…well itza da penal thing again. And the waggly tail people again…zo, I’m very positive how abouts zis?

  21. elle says:

    SEND this conversation to the Pope. Maybe he’ll read it and potentially think on his sins against humanity, that is IF he’s not a complete sociopath like the rest of his buddies in crime.

  22. Roundball Shaman says:

    Another conversion in Hell…

    ‘Doctor Fauci?! What are YOU doing way down here!’

    ‘Well, if you haven’t already noticed, I’m… HIM. You know, the One. The one of legend.’

    ‘You mean? You’re the Devi…?’

    ‘Please don’t say it! I don’t want to brag!’…

    ‘Since WHEN?’

    ‘OK yeah, funny. You ever hear about the old ‘Wolf in Sheep’s clothing thing?’ Who do you think this was modeled after? Why, I’m a DOCTOR, dammit. You HAVE to believe and worship me!’

    ‘And by the way, how do you like my latest atrocity upon humanity? Forcing needles into the arms of little kids! My ‘Self’, is there nothing I can’t make these idiotic brain-dead parents do? Damn, this is FUN!’

    ‘So is that finally IT? Or do you have other ‘plans’ for us yet to come?’

    ‘Don’t you read the Bible? I’ve been around like… forever. I’m never going away. I’ll always have something new to Eff you over with. Bank on that.’

    ‘Why do you DO these terrible things to us?’

    ‘Hey, it’s my job. You ever stop to consider how boring your lives would be without me?
    No problems? No pain? Everyone getting along? BORING!…’

    ‘Yeah, but do you have to enjoy your job so much?’

    ‘We’re SUPPOSED to enjoy our professions. Make work fun. That kind of thing.’

    ‘So… ‘Doctor’ or however you wish to be addressed… We’re going to win one day you know.’

    ‘Win what?’

    ‘We’re going to defeat you. Put you in your place. Well, I guess you’re ALREADY in your place, but you catch my drift.’

    ‘SURE you are. But in the meantime, would you roll up your sleeve please?’

    ‘You don’t think I’m going to fall for THAT, do you?’

    ‘Fall for WHAT?’

    ‘That damn kill shot you’re giving every one.’

    ‘No, no, not that. It’s just that it’s so hot down here and I want you to be more comfortable.’

    ‘Well in that case, OK, here we go… WAIT A MINUTE!… What are you doing?… AAAHHHGGGHHHHHHHKKKKAAAA!’

  23. Susan Dorey says:

    Loved it! The pope’s abandonment of what the Catholic church has historically stood for – ridiculed. Keep it up!

  24. senorena peepers says:

    “It has a view of the lake.”

    Jon, I don’t think I could go on without your regular dose of satire.

  25. darrell says:

    Bergoglio (stage name Francis) surely deserves to be with the devil whom he so faithfully serves. But as I’ve said before, he’s not a validly elected pope but an antipope. A good documentary on antipopes (papal claimants when a validly elected pope is alive) is “Papal Imposters” on youtube, except Malachi Martin’s limited hangout leaves out the takeover of the papacy at the pivotal 1958 conclave.

    One needed correction in this excellent article: Torquemada was not the evil inquisitor that the Jooish-Protestant-Masonic and otherwise anti-Catholic distorted historiography has conditioned almost everyone to believe. Centuries of false propaganda have convinced most people, good Catholics included, that the Inquisition was one of the most evil institutions ever devised. Like in other areas of history about which we’ve been lied to by the Masters of Discourse, Torquemada and the Spanish Inquisition, as well as the Roman Inquisition, need corrective revision. Even the BBC debunked many pernicious myths surrounding the Inquisition in “The Myth of the Spanish Inquisition” (BBC 1994):

    Other good sources debunking the most common myths and lies we’ve been programmed to believe about it:

    • Shazaad Bacchus says:

      Thank you for putting these links. Information I was interested in for a while now but didn’t know where to look. I can hardly wait to look at them.

  26. Mac says:

    Twisting, turning, sharp, reflective. Could use many more words though will end here, appreciate your work Jon.

  27. ληξουριώτισσα says:

    The Pope went oficially wrong in 1054 (the latin eresy and popes are under curse from that point in history, onwards), when he fell off Truth and thus exited the ACTUAL “… οne Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church…” (as I copy-paste it from (By-the-way, to my appalling, but also to my full understanding under the present circumstances – of global eresy and apocaliptical unrest -, I notice the ecumenistical dilution and altering of the meaning of the [Orthodox] Creed, by omitting a… comma; the true Creed, as meant by the Holy Fathers who composed it, writes: “… One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church…”, where “Church” is Christ Himself, The Truth and The Life; whoever falls off The Truth, eventually lands in Sid’s “office”, for without Christ there is no Life.) Therefore, ever since the Great Schism, “the good guys” either fought (see: Crusades) or revendicated the kind of unity – under their terms and Pope – which they had failed to establish back in 1054! “They” called “mission accomplished” (Godlessly so), in June, 2016 when the “Holy Synod” (the most wicked of all times, in fact!) took place in Crete, Greece and all the hell broke loose as a consequence. The answer to why we are going through all these and so many souls are getting lost in front of our eyes, is The Great Apostasy since Crete’s CIA organized diabolic synod! Take a look at the paper work and decisions, since they main language of the synod was… English. Also read “The Orthodox Survival Course” by (Saint) Serafeim Rose, for example. And try to comprehend the long term diabolical plan which suppresses us all. Thank you for your work Jon. The Greek people appreciatted the article I humbly translated:

    • Deanna Johnston Clark says:

      You’re correct…but the praters of all, ignorant or not, that are backed with unbending good will, reach God’s ears.

      By the way, are there Orthodox priests evangelizing the poor of West Virginia who are living on peanut butter these days? The Catholics lost Wales from sheer indolence…I don’t believe God rejects those who aren’t interesting to either Orthodox or Catholic preachers, probably because there’s little comfort and money in those places.

  28. Tim says:

    “satan’ is a pipsqueak. A punk. A NOTHING. Impotent. Soon to be a fictional idea/principle erased permanently.

  29. Pamela Elbers says:

    Wow! You guys are GOOD! So enjoyed reading these stories! Leaves me wanting for more!

  30. Benedict says:

    Sid vicious?

  31. John says:

    Good shit, Jon; I’m with you!

  32. elizabeth says:

    This brilliant, ‘imaginary’ scenario of Francis meets Sid will surely come to pass….very similarly to how Jon described it – make no mistake – he is biblically accurate. When you dig and dig and realize .. that the office of the pope is the anti-christ – meaning the ‘replacement’ for Christ, everything becomes crystal clear, this great controversy. What a way to tell the truth about the earthly agents of Satan, and their impending fate. “You will know them by their works” “..come out of her, my people” and……”Vengeanace is mine” …thus saith the Lord. Bravo, Jon.

  33. Lorraine Smith says:

    Amazing, in Hell they ignore the Rule of Law?

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