Leaked: Trump Mar-a-Lago raid testimony

Alert: Distribute this piece globally before it’s taken down

by Jon Rappoport

August 12, 2022

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This is a closed-door session. Five Senators were called away on other important business. So it’s Just Senator Thorazine and I here today. Nevertheless, we’ll proceed. Our first witness is lead FBI agent, Robert Fish Expedition. Sir, please explain why you went to Mr. Trump’s estate that night.

Well, Senator, you see, a few of the boys and I were out late. We’d had a few drinks, and on our way home we got lost. Finally, we saw lights in the distance and drove toward them. Turned out that was Mar-a-Lago.

I see. And why the intensive search inside the house?

We were hungry. We were in the kitchen making baloney sandwiches and we couldn’t find any mayo. So we looked for it. Everywhere.

Mayo with baloney?

I know. We could’ve gone with mustard, but we had a sudden urge for mayo.

And you couldn’t locate any?

We searched the whole house. Not one jar anywhere.

Why did you look in Melania’s closets?

We were operating under the general assumption that women hide things.

Right. And what about the search warrant?

Senator, I admit that was probably wrong.

What do you mean?

Well, after we finished searching and eating, we realized the whole business probably looked bad. So we drove to Attorney General Garland’s house and convinced him to issue the warrant retroactively.

He agreed?

He was annoyed. He was watching porn when we interrupted him.

Excuse me?

Soft-core. Reruns of that old HBO series about vampires.


Yes, that’s the one.

Quite compelling stuff.

We all sat down and watched for an hour or so. Then we got him to sign the warrant.

He was just sitting there in his living room in a bathrobe?

No, he was wearing some kind of costume. Apparently he puts it on when he watches.

So all the language in the warrant about documents and files…

Just a cover.

For the mayo.


I’m glad we’re clearing this up.

Thank you, Senator.

Let me ask you this, Agent. Would you be willing to reimburse Mr. Trump for the baloney and the bread?

And the mustard, which is finally what we went with. Yes, of course. The people in accounting have already come up with a figure. $67.32.

The FBI will cut a check?

No, sir. My boys and I will pay out of pocket. In cash.

As a penalty.

Right. We had to agree to that, in order to get Attorney General Garland to sign the search warrant.

He insisted?

He was quite adamant. He said it was matter of principle.

I’d say you’re lucky to have him as your boss.

We appreciated his stance on the matter.

Particularly since you interrupted him in the middle of the night.


Senator Thorazine, do you have any questions for the Agent?

Ah…no. I believe he’s explained…the…situation.

Good. One more thing, Agent. Will you be issuing an apology to Mr. Trump?

No, Senator.

Why not?

Mr. Garland was very clear on that point. He told us that, as soon as President Biden was inaugurated, he signed a secret executive order banning any apology for anything, directed toward Mr. Trump, from any agency or person in the federal government. Going forward, at any time.

President Biden issued that order?

No, he signed it. It was written by the people who run the White House and the Oval Office and the President. Susan Rice and Barack Obama. And Xi Jinping.

Well, then. Thank you for your time, Agent.

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Jon Rappoport

The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.

9 comments on “Leaked: Trump Mar-a-Lago raid testimony

  1. Paul says:

    Who the hell puts mayo on THEIR BALONEY ?


    THEY DO.

  2. BoogeymanSlayer says:

    Yes, the FBI story is a load of baloney. And your story is as plausible as the official story.

    The “official” story is just another divide and conquer tactic to get the Trump supporters angry and the leftists gleeful. They want civil war because they are so entertaining and $$$$ profitable.

  3. Lauran says:

    Good one, Jon!…I think they just handed Trump the election!….

  4. Raven says:

    Good one, Jon. I kinda doubt Trump would care about their flaccid apologies but he would probably like to have the Oval Office they stole from him returned.

    Interesting how we never see Rice’s or Obama’s faces anywhere. I don’t indulge in mainstream news so maybe they are featured there at times IDK, but mostly they seem to hide behind the damaged Biden puppet like the cowards they are.

  5. Roundball Shaman says:

    “… lead FBI agent, Robert Fish Expedition… We were hungry. We were in the kitchen making baloney sandwiches…”

    Federal Baloney Institution?

    So, a Federal institution that’s in service of… baloney? OK, now it’s starting to make sense.

    “Would you be willing to reimburse Mr. Trump for the baloney and the bread?”

    ‘Why would we? Our Nation as been running on nothing but Baloney for years and years now. In fact, in ‘The Great Reset!’ the World has fully committed itself for running on baloney for the rest of eternity. As usual, we in America are just taking the lead in this magnificent endeavor.’

    ‘And, Mr. Trump himself has been known to partake of a good amount of baloney himself over the years. So it would be silly to compensate him for something that we all should be using in service of Our Nation.’

    ‘You know… Baloney of the future is going to be made mainly from bugs. So we need to enjoy the old stuff while we can…’

  6. Jim S. Smith says:

    It is ALL political-theater anyway!

    There are other issues coming to the forefront, and “they” don’t want us to notice!

    – “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”

  7. Lewis says:

    If they take Trump down maybe that’s not completely a bad thing. Then De Santis can run!

  8. Marie says:

    Susan Rice, Barak Obama, Xi Jinping, and FRANCIS the talking mule.

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