Chelsea Clinton performs emergency brain surgery on Joe Biden while refuting Tucker Carlson

by Jon Rappoport

April 19, 2021

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Dear Reader, you may have seen reports detailing Chelsea Clinton’s demand that FOX’s Tucker Carlson be removed from his job, because he questioned the effectiveness of the COVID vaccine.

But wait. There’s more…

CNN News Item: Here’s the untold inside story on Chelsea Clinton’s slam-dunk refutation of Tucker Carlson, who has been questioning the efficacy of the COVID vaccine, since, he claims, the need to wear a mask and avoid large gatherings after vaccination makes the injection-solution to COVID-19 dubious and untenable.

Of course, Clinton was correct in pointing out that public health experts know what’s what and should be obeyed without question or thought. This stinging rebuke to Carlson for his incitement to insurrection should be applauded for its perspicacity. But…

What people haven’t understood until now is: Clinton made her remarks to the press in the Rose Garden, after President Biden fainted, and as she was performing emergency brain surgery to save his life.

Clinton told CNN White House correspondent, Carl Potato, “I had read about surgery and stuff in books and things, and I had a pretty good idea on what to do and all. When Joe finished his remarks about cooperating with China to win a land war against the Russians, and he, like, fell down, I rushed to his side…”

As Biden was lying on his back on the lawn, Clinton removed a pin from her hair and inserted it in Biden’s right ear. She pushed in the pin, impaled his earpiece, which the President uses to receive instructions from Susan Rice, and slowly guided the earpiece out of the aforementioned ear.

Clinton later said, “I sensed the earpiece was putting pressure on his brain and stopping blood flow. I could see redness above his ear and slight swelling and a telltale purple dot on his lip. It was really easy. Textbook. So while I was doing all this, I answered a question from the press about Tucker Carlson and his conspiratorial statements against the vaccine, because I thought he needed to be…he needs to be taken off the air and deplatformed. Censored. He’s a very dangerous man. He has no right to ask these leading questions about the vaccine which, like, all the experts know, is effective and safe.”

CNN has also learned that, as the President was recovering in the White House residence, and a new communication/navigation device was being placed in his elbow, the president’s surgeon, Randall K Cutt, was awarding Chelsea a special certificate for her service. The award permits her to perform operations in area hospitals when COVID-patient overloads leave wards short-staffed.

Cutt told Carl Potato, “This woman is a natural-born healer. She intuitively knows what the rest of us study for years to attain. I would gladly work alongside her performing a heart bypass or a blood clot removal…”

When informed of Clinton’s feat in the Rose Garden, Tucker Carlson said, “This changes everything. I had no idea Chelsea was so talented. I’m going to revisit my understanding of the First Amendment and free speech. It may turn out that silent obedience is what our Forefathers intended. If so, I’ll be downgrading my show to Public Access.”

When reached for comment, Anthony Fauci said, “I certainly applaud Chelsea’s work in the Rose Garden. I hope, as she was saving the President, she was wearing a mask. Maybe two or three. Brain swelling plus SARS-CoV-2 can induce pregnancy in some males…”

Reached at his bunker in Florida, Donald Trump responded, “Warp Speed, Warp Speed, I did it, Fauci wanted to wait, all the big vaccine companies are terrific, the shot in the arm makes America great, I take a booster every week…”

The day after his brain surgery, President Biden told his immediate staff, “I had doubts about Chelsea when she stuck that pin in my ear, but now I’m thinking I want to appoint her Vaccine Czar. The young lady knows injections. They have to be delivered gently. Too many people are stabbing other people. Vaccination isn’t an organization, it’s an idea. You need intellectuals to handle it.”

Chelsea’s press aide informed CNN she was resting after the double effort of saving the President and employing Aristotelian logic to defeat Tucker Carlson, after which she’ll be traveling to a seltzer factory in Ohio to measure CO2 levels, prior to her speech before the United Nations on her climate proposal to reduce oxygen levels in major US cities.

Next week, The New England Journal of Medicine will publish her new study, “Utilizing Gene Replacement to Reduce Whiteness in Hetero-Identifying Women under the Age of 30: Preliminary Results from Albino Mice.”

Celebrating the 25th anniversary of the transfer of missile-guidance technology from the US to China, under her father’s guidance, Chelsea has announced a deal with Northwest Dragon Fashion Limited, a subsidiary of the People’s Republic of China, to produce a line of red surgical scrubs emblazoned with the tag line, “Nuke SARS-CoV-2 with the vaccine today.”

The Matrix Revealed

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Jon Rappoport

The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.

30 comments on “Chelsea Clinton performs emergency brain surgery on Joe Biden while refuting Tucker Carlson

  1. marlene says:

    A caricature of what IS! LOL – ouch…

  2. Opie Poik says:

    Johns Hopkins: You Can Be Vaccinated With A PCR Test Without Knowing . . . nasal swabs plus nanotech. Shameless.

    Dr. Lee Merritt: In Animal Studies, After Being Injected With MRNA Technology, All Animals Died Upon Reinfection

    Killing toddlers for fun and profit . . . Mengele’s ghost:

    Happy Patriots’ Day, y’all.

  3. Sean says:

    Yes. And I look forward to next weeks New England Journal of Medicines publication. That very subject is what I believe will finally make all the pieces come together for any doubters out there in the world. The albino rat experiments are conclusive. I have already asked all my supporters in my forever Fund Me, to help me meet the financial challenge of pre-purchasing next weeks Journal. Not only have we met the amount needed for 1000 copies to be distributed but we exceeded by 10 times the amount. I believe this will be the final nail in their coffin of disbelief in this most important work.

    • Wowser…

      Am I concluding correctly that you have 10,000 copies now…if so, can you pop one in the old snail-mail-box addressed to me ‘se vous plasser’:

      Mr Michaela El Burnso, Esquire
      Box # 6765352863453926754
      Esterhazy, Saskatchewan
      Postal Code: Xxx 666

      Thanks a bunch Shawn.

      **PS also if you would like to generously donate a few dollars from you Go-Fund-Me to our “Crutches for Kittens” campaign. Its ‘terribly’ important. Just a pop old fifty in that envelop chanp — if you could please wrap it with a single sheet of white paper, I think the post master in Esterhazy is ripping me off, I notice the bitch has a new jeep.”

      • Sean says:

        Im so sorry Michael but your inquiry has come a bit too late. However you are invited to my next private Go Fund Me Fundraiser. Chelsea will be there and the required donation to attend is only $250,000. I have already sent you the official invitation to the address you left above. There are a limited amount of seats so RSVP right away. Thank you very much.

        • michael burns says:

          Wowser…ONLY 250…YOU’RE NEXT GO-FUND-ME? Really…that’s a lot intestinal fortitude for a young lad.

          Did you send a fifty for crutches for the little kittens buddy? The kittens…remember, I mean visualize it, and we need, and they they need support.

          “I gotta start thinking, ah…a bit bigger.”

          Listen Seaner me ole mate, will Chelsea be in a new doo…I don’t think the hottie shaves her legs, and holy snappin brassiere straps and I find that so Italian?

          • Sean says:

            She may. You can pay electronically now to secure your seat. With the included VIP section included!

  4. Paul says:

    …CNN White House
    Carl Potato…”

    Whoa whoa there,
    I thought Mr. PotatoHead
    along with
    were cancelled…?

    For that Head was:
    Too bulbous
    Too boiled
    Too bland
    Too soft
    To ever venture into the hardening-working sun.

    ???? You say Potato
    I say Potahto…????


    P.S. I offer NO offense to
    The Blessed Irish.
    I’ll never forget that great warrior from BraveHeart,
    who kept insisting…
    “It’s MY Island!”

    I want him on my side!

    I love potatoes,… too.

  5. CB says:

    This brilliantly written article just made my day! LOL

  6. joe prole says:

    swiftlike narrative. i laughed and cried simultaneously

  7. Paul says:

    “…his earpiece,
    which the President uses
    to receive instructions…”

    I never know
    when you’re kidding.

    It’s fun that way.

    But if you’re not,
    I agree.

    People should review
    when JB mis-pronounced
    Mr. “Back-a-rare-a.”

    A second or two later,
    “he” corrected “himself”
    with Becerra.

    Man, she’s quick!

  8. Paul says:

    Oh my gosh!
    She’s fantastically talented!
    And all this time I just thought she was a media-hyped, un-non-privileged scion.

  9. Stef says:

    “Chelsea Clinton performs emergency brain surgery on Joe Biden”

    This assertion is illogical!

    One must first have a brain.

    A more logical story would read….”Chelsea Clinton implants freeze dried brain of Chairman Mao in Joe Biden with an assist from Xi Jinping.

  10. JoAnn Dolberg says:

    Rollin’ on the floor with laughter; there’s humor in just about everything.

  11. J says:

    Jon, please write a story about this article. It was published today. This is the most bombshell breaking news i.e. 100 percent impossible to for the masses to not understand the whole “idea/invention” of a vaccine is complete BS and a BIG LIE. How big is the “fragments of mRNA coding” that BioNTech is pouring into this BEER KEG. Lol

    Please write an article tearing this whole article “product development process apart. The Biggest mistake Gate’s, Fauci, et al ever made in their life was allowing this article to be published.

    “Inside are fragments of mRNA coding for the SARS-CoV-2” Lol

    “It begins in a 50-L stainless-steel tank that more closely resembles a beer keg than what you might imagine to be part of a lifesaving bioreactor. Inside are fragments of mRNA coding for the SARS-CoV-2 spike protein, the Achilles’ heel of the virus that the vaccine will exploit. The entire production process happens in a hermetically sealed system, with products from each stage transported to the next via a network of transparent plastic tubing.”

    After you read this article you are going to laugh for hours and hours.

    In every vile there are fragments of what? The virus RNA? After all of the liquids/ingredients are run through all of these machines? Lol

    Pfizer does warn people that anyone with a known allergic reaction to any of the vaccine properties or ingredients should not be given the vaccine. Here is a list of those ingredients:

    Each dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 Vaccine contains 30 mcg of a nucleoside-modified messenger RNA (modRNA) encoding the viral spike (S) glycoprotein of SARS-CoV-2.

    It also includes the following ingredients: lipids (0.43 mg (4-hydroxybutyl)azanediyl)bis(hexane-6,1-diyl)bis(2-hexyldecanoate), 0.05 mg 2[(polyethylene glycol)-2000]-N,N-ditetradecylacetamide, 0.09 mg 1,2-distearoyl-sn-glycero-3-phosphocholine, and 0.2 mg cholesterol), 0.01 mg potassium chloride, 0.01 mg monobasic potassium phosphate, 0.36 mg sodium chloride, 0.07 mg dibasic sodium phosphate dihydrate, and 6 mg sucrose. The diluent (0.9% Sodium Chloride Injection, USP) contributes an additional 2.16 mg sodium chloride per dose.

    I’m sure everyone has an active understanding of all these ingredients and researched them … right? Well I happen to know ‘sucrose’ – is sugar. That’s about it. So let’s take a looksee:

    * 4-hydroxybutyl azanediyl – is used in the manufacture of paint and printing ink as well as bricklaying and electrical work. HAZARDS list acute toxicity 98%, harmful if inhaled, respiratory irritation, serious eye damage, organ toxicity single exposure, skin irritant, corrosive.

    * 2-hexyldecanoate acid – used as a lubricant in brake fluids, engines and oil. Classified as a skin irritant, corrosive, target organ toxicity, respiratory tract irritation.

    These are the first two listed ingredients meaning they have the highest density in the vaccine. Hazardous chemicals that attack the respiratory tract and organs and have a toxicity ratio of 98%.


    No single machine process can get this specific set and combination of these types of ingredients into a vaccine vile.. by squeezing it into the vile. 100 percent impossible. Each vile would need to be tested to confirm this. 100 percent impossible to get Covid virus fragments in to these viles!!! Viruses do not exist outside of the human body!! And most importantly, any “viral or biological fragments” would die during the process. Lmao

  12. Snippits says:

    What saddens me, Jon, is my liberal family and those around me can never get the wit of your work. It is beyond their humour zone!

  13. Eluard says:

    Jon, the problem is your satires (always brain and belly shaking) are becoming harder and harder to compose. (Or digest) As “reality” melts into incomprehensible blather, satirists are going to be filling up the employment agencies’ waiting rooms. This time digging physical as opposed to meta-physical ditches.

    I suppose, on the whole, that’s better than being in the E.R. Or the Psych Ward. Or walking the plank. Or a Fema barracks. Or —

  14. Tim says:

    Yeah, to take the absurd serious is to become one with it.(assimilation).
    Of course that’s what “they” do and “live” by… passing it off as something that it isn’t and never will be; substantative, effective, consequencial, creative, intelligent, honest, real, holy, divine, true, worthy, etc, etc…

    What is ;”disillusionment”?
    (how)The Truth Sets Us Free

  15. Okie dokie…Chelsea ‘is’ coming into her own.

    What a little ringer…ding-ding-dinger. Zippity zinger.

    Chelsea’s looks marvelous baby… absolutely gorgeous; over the top; ahead of the pack; coming into her own; a new woman…well at her face level anyway…

    Chelsea’s new face job is spectacular. She is totally different than that the once, geeky little Moon-faced, pie-faced little thing behind that perma-perm and Mr. Magoo glasses.

    Chelsea went under the knife; it was the same surgeon who performed John Kerry’s face job a while back. The doctor is plastic surgery’s big-nose specialist among the stars.

    The surgeon removed some 6 lbs of fat from each cheek…that’s face cheek, not her ass, aaand a whopping 1 Lb of flesh and cartilage from the old schnoosh-a-Rooney.
    Chelsea’s new nose is cross between a Liz Taylor/Mona Lisa/Harpo Marx…seems Harpo had a very nice smooth nose.

    Chelsea now with a slimmer nose and slimmer face — surgeons working furiously in a seventy-two hour operation lengthened her face by using an unusual cutting edge (excuse the pun) technique of a surgical come-along and electrically stimulation of the face bones – a new surgical theater device/tool, screwed to the top of Chelsea’s head via a metal skull cap and attached to a fixed wall position enabling the surgeon to ratchet — using wire cables — along with minute pulses of 151 volts to the face bones to speed up bone production and a, longer face for the patient.

    Chelsea’s face is now an inch and half longer, and with her new longer hairdo, Chelsea is sizzling hot…

    A new chin implant made of Titanium mesh and Tennessium will redefine and sculpt her chin and will compensate for the additional teeth in her mouth. Chelsea has 40 teeth compared to the 32 teeth average adult women usually have… her individual teeth are also larger than the average female tooth.

    Chelsea had a bump on her nose which she disliked her whole life, many are confused and thought that was her nose, but now corrected along with that thin lipped big gummy smile of hers, that is also gone, caput baby, as a lip job has given her fuller thicker lips, great big red wet luscious succulent smoochers baby!

    And speaking of Chelsea’s…

    Chelsea handler and Alyssa Milano are pleading with Biden to enact a federal reparation slavery bill to “atone for the pain of white supremacy” and all these long years of us white people being cruel to our slaves.

    Handler said…
    “We built this country on the backs of black and brown people, and we still haven’t really done anything to say, ‘f—.’”

  16. Larry C says:

    I’m confused…is this a satire piece? ????

  17. E. Grodzki says:

    Who cares what liars have to say about liars?

  18. Paul says:


    On MSNBC, I just saw a Minneapolis crowd of protesters with numerous, (same) signs prominently stating:
    “Let justice flow like a river.”

    Recently, you ended an article concerning “staging on TV”
    [specifically, epidemics, with this single writing, but a general thesis, nevertheless]:

    “The old theater adage,
    “the show must go on,”
    when adapted for television,
    “the flow must go on.”
    Once its course is set,
    there can be no turning back.

    The television audience,
    imprisoned in homes,
    rides the river…”

    Hopefully, not to, cities a-burning, in a flaming river.

  19. lamberth says:

    Chelsea Clinton for president!
    The Clinton legacy shall be maintained!
    Enroll now for your early ballot.

    This is what we need.
    A self-educated, unlicensed brain surgeon not affiliated with any overarching government health agency to be our next president. Anyone dis-agreeing with her will simply be given brain surgery right there in the Oval Office, to bring them in line.
    It’s brilliant!

    Godspeed Chel-sea.
    Kosher DreamWorks has your journey all plotted out across the stormy seas, all the way to El Dorado.
    Let’s hope it doesn’t bomb, eh?

  20. Benjamin Martin says:

    Surreal, yes, but witty as well as timely. One only has to look at the video of an ad (provided in the link) on sexual harassment, launched as quickly as it was chucked out by the federal government in Australia, to recognize that you can never have too much satire, what with people claiming that the ad is ‘incomprehensible’ etc.

    What we are witnessing here is an extraordinary instance of mass public denial. The symbolism is anything but incomprehensible: it is absolutely gratuitous, perverse, and disgusting. Alex Jones, for one, would have an absolute field day with the bit about ‘pizza’…

  21. Greg C. says:

    In a similar vein, this parody of Dr. Fauci will leave you rolling on the floor:

  22. L Garou says:

    (aka) Hillary’s bastard but we’re not allowed to talk about it.
    Mum’s the word say the M$M fifth column..

  23. Heidi says:

    Haven’t laughed so much in a while. Thanks.

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