by Jon Rappoport
April 14, 2021
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Well, the Scroll found last month wasn’t in a cave and it wasn’t in a dead sea; it was in the remains of an ancient synagogue excavated below the Jerusalem Star Deli in the middle of the city.
Researchers found “several rolls inscribed in an early version of Aramaic…”
The astonishing conclusion? These rolls are over 8000 years old.
And they contain pointed references—actually, instructions—about the practice of vaccination.
Researchers and scientists in Israel have expressed great interest because, of course, the nation is now undergoing one of the most extensive mandated vaccination campaigns in human history, to turn back the COVID pandemic.
Persons living in Israel are, according to reports, having a very difficult time leaving the country without proof of vaccination.
Scholars at the Tel Aviv Center for Historical Studies have just released excerpts from newly discovered 8000-year-old scrolls:
“The Sky Cadets came to earth on a sheet of flying matzos. They brought us the secret of the vaccine, to save humankind.”
“Every Temple needs a rabbi who is called a Fauci. He interfaces with the public.”
“The Flying Cadets taught us a secret mantra: ‘only swelling and redness at the injection site.’ We repeat it for an hour before bedtime.”
“If, during a large vaccination program, people start dropping like flies, have the Faucis announce, ‘It was the virus, not the vaccine’.”
“It will be useful to invoke ‘the bad batch’: ‘Overall, the vaccine is a resounding success; the contaminated batch has been identified and destroyed’.”
“Don’t listen to Moishe. He spreads malicious gossip. His pushcart of natural remedies is a source of the virus.”
“Eat bacon only after receiving the Swine Flu vaccine.”
“Never allow the public to witness the holy ceremonies of discovering a new virus or making a new vaccine. These rituals are conducted by rabbis in sancta guarded by pharmaceutical money changers.”
“When, in the future, people everywhere DO drop like flies during a vaccination campaign, consider calling the devastation a Flood that is drowning the world, and take appropriate evasive measures.”
The Israeli Public Health Service has claimed these translations are in error. Spokesman Dr. Spike Jonas told reporters, “Clearly, when our ancestors were held in bondage in Egypt, they were demanding the vaccine against Bird Flu. The Pharaoh refused to distribute the injection to our people. This resulted in the Exodus, the parting of the Red Sea, and the great escape. After 40 years, Moses’ flock was led to an outpost of the World Health Organization near Canaan, where medical teams were on emergency alert. The life-saving shots were delivered, and that is why we are here today…”
In New York, during a good will tour of the devastated city, Anthony Fauci and Governor Andrew Cuomo encouraged the few citizens on the streets to cheer up and take heart and buckle down and stay tough and show the world what New Yorkers are made of. A heckler remarked, “We’re made of a long drive to Florida, where we’re permanently relocating…” Dr. Fauci commented on Dr. Spike Jonas’ statement: “He solves the mystery of the Biblical Exodus. The Hebrews were so intent on taking the Bird Flu vaccine, they willed the Red Sea to part and escaped the Pharaoh, who was disproportionately distributing the shots. This should be an inspiration for our time…”
A team of AI specialists at Harvard and MIT are currently undertaking a radical rewrite of the entire Old Testament. Heading up the project, retired transgender surgeon and medical ethicist, Dr. Ray Balzoff, issued a statement to the press:
“We believe the whole of the Old Testament is actually based on a vaccination controversy. The snake in the Garden was attempting to convince Eve to reject the seasonal flu shot. When she did, humankind experienced the Fall. Cain murdered his brother Abel because Abel sinned by refusing the protective HPV shot that prevents cervical cancer. David killed Goliath by substituting a saltwater placebo shot for the actual Hep B vaccination. Goliath soon declined and perished from liver disease.”
UPDATE: A new passage from the Deli Aramaic scrolls in Jerusalem has just been released: “We are the seers. We can view the future. Many years from now, a test called the PCR will be developed for detecting viruses. We believe our present method of testing is just as accurate as the PCR. While a person is sleeping, we rub two jagged rocks on his left and right temples. When he suddenly awakes, if he sits up immediately, the test is positive. If he continues to lie in a prone position, the test is negative…”
UPDATE 2: Catholic Bishop in Exile, Father Arch Ipelago, who is doing a 10-year jolt in the federal Colorado ADMAX, for sexually assaulting minors, told the Associated Press, “When Jesus handed over the Keys to the Kingdom, for the formation of a new Church, it was to be called The Vaccine-I-Can. Eventually, that name was changed to Vatican…but the mission remains the same. Wine, wafer, Pfizer. Everybody must take the shot…”
(To read about Jon’s mega-collection, The Matrix Revealed, click here.)
Jon Rappoport
The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.
We repeat it for an hour before bedtime.
His pushcart is a source of the virus.
…that’s why we are here today…
We”re made of a long drive to Florida, where we’re relocating permanently.
A team of AI specialists at Harvard and MIT are currently undertaking a radical rewrite of the entire Old Testament.
The snake in the Garden was attempting to convince Eve to reject the seasonal flu shot reports retired transgender surgeon and medical ethicist, Dr. Ray Balzoff.
…that name was changed to Vatican…but the mission remains the same.
I think everything was included in this obvious scamdemic. This is hot off the press. Is your insurance company covering your Vaccine if you take it? https://www.natureofhealing.org/the-covid-experiment-are-you-covered/
And this https://needtoknow.news/2021/04/why-have-life-insurance-rates-remained-unchanged-if-there-is-a-deadly-pandemic/
New website called the Rappoport Bee.
The J’Onion.
So, an epidemiologist, an insurance exec, and a congressman walk into a bar, and . . .
Wait, is there a banker in this story?
Jon Swift would be proud of this.
I swear, this could have been a skit in Mr Show
Dr. Ray Balzoff (surely a circumcision proponent):
“We believe the whole of the Old Testament is actually based on a vaccination controversy.”
Believe in the virus. Pray to the virus. Fear the virus.
Worship the virus.
No, really:
Mark Lawrence Fallick – Urologist, Somers Point, NJ Medicine Net https://www.medicinenet.com › cherry-hill-nj_doctor
Dr. Fallick graduated from the Tufts University School of Medicine in 1991. He works in Voorhees, NJ and 2 other locations and specializes in Urology. Dr. Fallick …
Paging Dr. Connie Lingus to Obstetrics – stat!
Dr. Loeb to Ear, Nose & Throat.
Dr. Richard Seed to . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doc.: Have you ever had local anaesthesia?
Patient: No, I usually go out of town for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a collection of funny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries:
Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home.
Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Jones, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
She is numb from her toes down.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized.
Patient was found in bed with her power mower.
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
MORE: https://aimseducation.edu/blog/ridiculously-funny-medical-jokes
Bring back Spike Jones.
DEAD SEA SCROLL HOAX
It’s strange that Israeli archaeological experts recently discovered a “vaccine” in the Dead Sea Scrolls dated 8000 years ago in an ancient synagogue at a time when Israel is coercing its population to get vaccinated.
Ironically, Judaism began 4000 years ago and synagogues date post Temple period. The Israelites sojourning the Sinai Desert had a portable mishkan (tabernacle) not a synagogue of brick, clay or sandstone.
The alleged find is definitely a doctored document aimed at giving the current Covid 19 scam centered on the vaccine cure religious legitimacy to convince religious Jews that our ancestors were familiar with gern theory and knew about vaccines and even had syringes to inject the stuff into human bodies.
The ancients did not know about viruses and bateria nor about genes nor mutations.
A vaccine is germ specific and made from a weakened live germ strain of the disease.
One would need microscopes and know pathology and blood chemistry and antibodies etc to devise an antidote in the form of a vaccine.
One could argue that our ancient seers could see germs through the psychic vision and so they developed vaccines in response. However, not one mention of pathogens is found in ancient literature and so the Biblical vaccine claim is a lie. Mystics perceive the adverse spirit entity behind diseases of which germs or genetic defects are physical manifestations.
Moses, our prophet, used a nehsuhthan – metal rod coiled with a copper serpant on it to cure snake bites – this would be a mystical cure of directing spiritual energy through an appropriate physical symbol like the nehsuhthan that not surprisingly resembles the awakened “kundalini” referred to in hoary Hindu texts symbolised as a coiled serpent on the erect spinal column which actually is the aroused life force that lies dormant at the base of the spinal nerves in people living in the ordinary consciousness and gets awakened in yogis meditating on their pet deities visialised in the specific chakra or nerve centre along the spinal nerves. Under G-dly influences, the life force (nefesh ha bahamis) is awakened along divine and safe lines that does not imvoke demonic entities nor leads to insanity, disease, bodily maiming or death .
The Israeli Government, under strict orders from its Globalist masters, is hell bent on getting its entire population vaxxed to destroy them because as well known Israel is a Globalist frontline puppet state created by the Globalists in 1948 to fulfill Globalist sorcerer Albert Pike’s 1871 demonic vision of executing 3 world wars with the 3rd world war pitting Political Zionism (Israel) against the Islamic nations in a fight to the finish.
This is the diabolical reason behind the creation of the modern state of Israel in 1948.
Globalist chief spokesperson, Dr Henry Kissinger, remarked in 2012 to the New York Post that there won’t be an Israel in 10 years (meaning by end of 2022). Haaretz analysed his dire warning and ended in shaky brag claiming Israel would last forever.
Agenda 21/2030 seals the fate of the Middle East including Israel. Serious wars ahead – all scripted by the Globalists.
m – RNA accines are another route to murder populations. Bill Gates is on record claiming that vaccines would reduce the world’s population by at least 15 % . Till now the pandemic is a scam using the pretext of the phantom novel coronavirus. Yet, in the near future, as predicted by Globalist mouthpiece The Economist of London in its July 2020 issue germ warfare is a distinct possibility in future. Add to this economic collapse, tectonic weapons, weather modification and cyberpandemic and they’ll easily succeed in culling 90% people in the world in a deacade.
The weather manipulation was halted. The globalists suffered a huge blow in the face. Think evergreen 😉
“We believe the whole of the Old Testament is actually based on a vaccination controversy.”
Why should anyone today believe in God and the Bible anymore? God and the Bible are so… yesterday. And you know the Modern Holy High Doctrine of Wokedom: Anything that is old HAS to be bad, right? Old is BAD. New is GOOD. Period. Needs no further analysis. No thinking or reflection necessary. Old…BAD. New…GOOD. ‘Science’…SACRED.
Poor God. No one wants to believe in such a deity these days. ‘He’’s been replaced by Sacred Modern Bought And Paid For Whored Out Faux Science For Profit And Slick And Devious Major Marketing and Mind Manipulators. While everyone was out watching for The Devil with a tail… another group of great fallen ones came in to steal the spotlight.
Rumor has it that God is talking with a public relations firm, various Influencers and Rap stars, The Big Pharma Medical Industry Complex Cartel, and a Cable TV Makeover Show to modernize and update ‘His’ image to make ‘Him’ more appealing to today’s twisted sensibilities. One of God’s ‘people’ called one of Doctor Weasel’s ‘people’ to see if Himself could get an audience with The Weasely High Holy Man. But the Not-So-Good Doctor was too busy to take the Almighty’s call.
When The New Modern Devil comes calling to collect your soul, He’ll be wearing a smile and a lab coat.
“Heading up the project, retired transgender surgeon and medical ethicist, Dr. Ray Balzoff,…”
—
“Can I use that…?”
~ the ghost of Milton Berle
Prescient ! “…first the erasure, then the erasure of the erasure.”
Hahahaaa!
Thank you so much for this spirit lifting news.
Please keep bringing light to the shots in the dark.
Bravo, Jon. The sentiment is perfect, but unfortunately it still relies on words, which are no longer of any use to describe the gran finale of the mass psychosis called “history” (or “story”). I don’t know what kind of poetry we would have to invent to properly express this perennial bullshit. No human mind can sink so low.
No kidding I have often thought the same…couldn’t possibly be a human being…
Please mark as satire before posting something like this. In a world with so much fake news, your blog is named to ensure you are not also contributing to the problem.
Contributing to the problem!!
Boy is that a hoot.
Jon Rappoport who’s delineated every angle of “the problem” day after day for over FOUR HUNDRED FIFTY days, five days a week, often twice each day.
The written word, the spoken word, interviews. Taped presentations.
If you need a label for “Satire” I respectfully suggest heading over to another site more easily grokked with the left brain rationalistic last three hundred fifty years’ brain.
Wish you the best.
Jon’s complexity (or subtlety) of writing is not meant to cater to the median-common denominator of thinking. Those that can rise to the occasion are called, and stick around,
And Thank God. Count me OUT of the vile, base absurdity proffered on the average news reel. I mean, the I.Q. is not even measurable. I’m glad to not need “notice” of quality material with multi-level presentation.
No, Preface, you must always be vigilant and have your guard and wits on.
Anyone that needs this prefaced as satire has some real issues.
IMO.
“retired transgender surgeon and medical ethicist, Dr. Ray Balzoff
”
If that doesn’t get you, nothing will.
Pretty much what the COVIDIUS Religion offers! Faith and Death by the Jab…
Jon, get in touch you know end, my friend is one of very very few translators for that language…
Got me. ????♂️
Jon at his very best!
Thank you! Sometimes we have to laugh and this piece sure got one from the belly!
Yes indeed! And I’ll have you know at the beginning of 2020 God came to earth and spoke to Noah again…did ya know that, Mr smarty pants?
Yes the Jews and the exodus and scrolls all over the front page but nooo…nobody, noticed that the big guy, the head honcho, the big enchilada, the architect himself paid a visit. It went over every-body’s head like a lead balloon.
Yeah, it wasn’t reported but near the beginning of the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who, for I don’t know what reason?… was now living in America and he said:
(And I heard this from an insider, a little bird — so to speak — told another little bird.)
“Noah, once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.”
“Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans, Noah.”
And he gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
“You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and some 40 nights.”
Six months later, sometime around June, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his backyard, sometimes relenting to deep sobs and a flood of tears – but no Ark.
“Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the fucking Ark?” (God’s a wee bit Irish on his fathers side)
“Forgive me, Lord,…” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”
“I needed a Building Permit.”
“I’ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”
“My homeowners association claim that I’ve violated the Neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.”
“Then the City Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them, that the sea would be coming to US! But they would hear none of it.”
“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl.”
“I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!”
“When I started gathering the animals, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals… TOOK ME TO COURT! They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”
“Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on ‘Your proposed flood’.”
“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”
“The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.”
“The labor unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience — were to hell do you find that category on LinkedIn?”
“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming *sob* I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”
“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least, 10 years for me to finish this ark.”
“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a warm soft breeze blew across Noah’s face, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.”
Noah, I’m lead to understand looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean…you mean you’re not going to destroy the world Lord?”
“No,” said the Lord. ” The Government beat me to it.”.
“The .gov beat me to it,” saith the Lord. Indeed:
The State Is Too Dangerous to Tolerate https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RILDjo4EXV8
INDEED.
Good one!
Brilliant Mr Burns!
Poor Noah.
Re-incarnated, and then having to build another Ark all over again.
No progress in his ascension to better, higher things.
Such a waste.
Moreover, his old Ark (what’s left of it) still lies on Mt Ararat somewhere (or so they say).
All the work he’d put into that one when God last decided to unleash a ‘Tower of Babel Moment’ upon this earth, all those moons ago.
Ah well, look on the bright side.
Noah can take off his tool belt, work boots, safety glasses and earplugs, de-register his shell company NoahArcII that he had specifically set up for the project (to avoid any future liabilities), lay off his refugee labour force and go and enjoy that sunshine.
Yeah baby!
They say he’s quite a handy surfer, learned that 15,000 years ago, launching himself off the Ark, catching the next big wave. Always accompanied by his loyal DodoMoa bird. Unfortunately, one day the bird didn’t come back, leaving the only other specimen lonely on the Ark, unable to pro-create.
The doves took notice.
“In New York…A heckler remarked, We’re made of a long drive to Florida”…just then, a ever-growing number loudly started chanting as one; “Yeah, we’re buckling down and buckling-up and showing you wharf-rats what an army of ex-New Yorkers in moving trucks are made of !!! “
You should publish this clever piece in the Babylon Bee It would get more exposure lol. It was soundly sarcastic. I had a good laugh – thanks for writing it
This is one of your best to date.
Gave me a good laugh too, but people still sadly buy the bs.
They are the ones that really need the jab.
Outrageously hilarious. Something for everyone. You too, Mr. Rappoport, have now received the status of Equal Opportunity Annoyer… Congratulations.
This gave me my best laugh of the day!
In reading article, then otherwise reminded something while back on bees, and sraying done supposedly because ‘zika’ to ‘kil mosquitos’, but actualy killed millions of bees, remembered was some something spray called ‘naled’, or maybe pronounced –nailed’, as a taunt that agendists were able to spray people with poison and kil mass bees while people sat, though whatever, was looking for something on that came across another thing, sort of question supposed groups or people are or not, or know or not
https://www.beeculture.com/catch-the-buzz-israeli-pollinator-drones .Have to say wierd, bee site pushing robot drone ‘bees’, why.
Sometimes wonder if thousand cabalists sprinkled here or there repeat agendas or dupes swallow info and repeating.
Whatever, seems we should think for ourselves, and with those around us, get to truth, otherwise other agendas control everything.
Sharp article Jon, launched thought.
So now we know what Jesus meant when he said turn the other cheek. Get your second round!
methinks the world became a hole-y land the last thousand or so years, holes everywhere, now becoming one large void we can’t avoid.
Don’t want to take any shot, of anything, other than maybe shot of wheat grass juice.
An actual headline, even from the Epoch Times, nowhere near as hilarious as this, but equally ridiculous:
“142 Fully Vaccinated People in Houston Test Positive for COVID-19”
How do people test positive for a disease in name only, for which no particular cause has been isolated, and for which there are no particular symptoms?… and what difference does it make if this disease has a recovery rate over 99%?
The absurdity is indeed on a level with flying matzas, etc. I got several good belly laughs out of it, thanks.
Truly Masterful!
Here is another post script. First an humble request and an imploring of readers in advance to “Please Forgive” because due to building upon / extending some of the above – what follows is more satire. Thank you. (By the way, if you need notice of satire in advance, you really do not know Jon R. very well.)
Upon returning, God spake thusly. “To save your planet yet again I sent my best Scythe (A Faucci of course) to clear the lands, seas
and skies of as much pusillanimity as seasonbly feasible. You have multiplied far beyond expectations! Floods, Fires and nearly Incessant Warring for over 700 years simply have not done the job well enough. Earlier, my plauge of the Bubos did a fairly good job. However, there was a certain Frenchman who knew a natural cure. So, he travelled about collecting, then giving away rose hips! With a name like Michel (Michael) I am both pleased and just a touch annoyed. All the same, Michel redeemed his own soul nicely by writing poetry to alert and warn humanity. Michel represents Geniune “HumanKind” as does your Jon R. Bear in mind that Michel had no other choice than to write in convoluted code you have called Quatrains. In your times, this Jon R. is no slouch and nobody’s fool. Most of his best work must come to you through ‘satire.'”
“Since the lowest among you lust so greatly for ‘Money’ I found it imperative to send your ‘currency’ into a Crypt. Think for yourselves, my children. I Love You All Dearly – even those who are infested with money-lust. During recent decades that ‘Deadly Sin,’ alongside others has pulled your ‘plug,’ Therefore, soon your ‘generator’ will take a nap. I implore each and every one to return to true righteousness. Eternity awaits eternally.”
Friends and fellow readers, Mr. J. Rappoport is one of the more brilliant investigors and writers we have. His work on the ‘Acquired Immune Deficiency’ got my attention many years ago. Since then his work on Ebola, SARS, MERS and now the ConVid (sp.) qualify him, in my humble opinion, to recieve a Doctorate of some form. Yet, he has been so diverse that perhaps a Doctorate in Humanities might be the most appropriate. Thanks to you most heartily, Jon, you are a treasure.
That was Great!!! Absolutely loved this.-R
Too funny!!!!
Nice one Jon, satire at its best.
Thank you Mr. Rappoport ! I have not had a good laugh for quite some time. “Balzoff” to you !