How is Joe Biden like a ham sandwich?

by Jon Rappoport

January 22, 2021

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The movie, which will never be made, is called, HOW IS JOE BIDEN LIKE A HAM SANDWICH?

SCENE: A small deli, two days after the reported theft of a ham sandwich.

Owner, his son, assistant city prosecutor.

Prosecutor: I just want to check a few things. You saw the suspect steal the ham sandwich.

Owner: Yes, I was right here. I made the sandwich for a customer, I put it on the counter, and then the thief walked by, picked it up and ran out of the store.

Prosecutor: You’ll swear to that, sign a statement, testify in court.

Owner: Of course. And I have the surveillance video.

Prosecutor: Yes, I’ve seen it. We have statements from five people who were in the store, too.

Owner: So what’s the problem? Is there a problem?

Prosecutor: Well, yes. When the police caught the suspect, he didn’t have the sandwich.

Owner: Did you check for crumbs?

Prosecutor: Excuse me?

Owner: I’m suggesting the thief didn’t have the sandwich because he ate it. That’s why he stole it.

Prosecutor: Oh. Right. But you see, that presents another issue. He stole it because he needed it. He was hungry.

Owner: So? And?

Prosecutor: That means you and the witnesses in the store don’t have standing in court.

Son: Wait a minute, sir. I’m an attorney. My father owns this store. If he doesn’t have standing, who would? The thief stole the sandwich right here.

Prosecutor: Mayor Biden, last month, issued an executive order redefining certain crimes. The major factor became NEED. If a suspect needed the item he took, then our office wouldn’t prosecute him. And food is one of those items. Because of the lockdowns, food theft is now on the same level as mail-in ballots.

Son: What?

Prosecutor: Because of the pandemic, citizens were permitted to vote by mail. Because of the pandemic, which led to the lockdowns and economic hardship, a hungry person can steal food. Besides that, our office feels we’d come under fire if we tried to prosecute this ham sandwich case. We’d be massacred on social media. In fact, Twitter could suspend our account. We’d be called insurrectionists. You see, there’s a widespread feeling these days that NEED is the predominate factor in many instances. What a person needs justifies what he does. If we prosecuted this case, we’d be trying to overturn that principle.

Owner: Suddenly I feel I’m back living in the Soviet Union.

Son: Do we know the man who stole our sandwich needed it?

Prosecutor: No. That’s moot. It’s hard to define need. It can be a gray area. To a degree, we have to rely on the suspect’s own statements. If he says he needed it, we tend to accept his word. And in this particular case, we just don’t know, because he’s from out of state, and we don’t have the time and resources to do a background check on him. Now, there is one thing you can do. It’s difficult, but you could walk down a different road.

Son: What road is that?

Prosecutor: You could challenge Mayor Biden’s executive order. You would have to argue he doesn’t have the power to “make law.” Only the legislature can do that. But during the pandemic, that’s also a gray area. You would have to provide evidence, and expert witness testimony, claiming the lockdowns are unnecessary, because the science underpinning the pandemic contains significant errors. That’s a very tough case to make. First of all, in order to have standing, you would need to find plaintiffs who say they’re being adversely impacted by the lockdowns. You’d need to file a lawsuit on their behalf. The kicker is, you’d want to do Discovery. You’d want to subpoena public health experts who believe the pandemic science is valid. You’d want to bring them in and grill them under oath. These experts would do everything in their power to avoid that. They’d have their own government lawyers, and they wouldn’t be paying them a dime. They’d stall…

Son: I get the picture. You’re saying that, in order to win a case for a ham sandwich, we’d have to overturn, in court, the whole rationale for the pandemic.

Prosecutor: It looks that way. The event of the theft is finished. Your property is gone. The thief ate it. Now we’re in a territory that is after the fact. What good can come from pursuing your goal? You’ll never get the sandwich back. I can tell you, in the current climate, no judge will thoughtfully consider your argument. He’ll say, too late, the property doesn’t exist anymore. If a policeman had been in the store and caught the thief in the act…then things might be different. Maybe.

Son: Suppose we find the thief and steal something from him?

Prosecutor: You could try to argue that you can’t serve customers at tables anymore, and therefore you have a need, too. But you’re an owner. The thief isn’t. Your act would be viewed as revenge. Not good for you.

Son: No?

Prosecutor: We’re in the new normal. There are two local judges who could hear that case. They’re both planning to run for elected office in the next few years. They have Facebook pages. If it came out they ruled in a favor of a business owner stealing from a hungry man, social media would swarm them and wipe them out.

Son: What about Mayor Biden?

Prosecutor: Just between you and me, his executive order establishing NEED as the primary factor in criminal cases? That was a public relations move. He was leveraging a city program to feed the poor. After he issued the executive order, he got the city council to approve much higher funding for that program. Then he awarded the contract to his cousin, Petro, a Ukrainian businessman who knows nothing about food. But I wouldn’t try making that charge. No media outlet would cover it. The mayor has good connections.

Son: There’s nothing we can…

Prosecutor: The operative phrase here is AFTER THE FACT. Think of the theft as the past, not the present. The past is over.

Son: It’s not over for us.

Prosecutor: It’s a sandwich. One sandwich.

Son: No. It’s justice.

Prosecutor: It’s now social justice. That’s a different concept.

Son: You tell this thief if he comes in here, we’ll give him a free sandwich every day for a week. All he has to do is sign a statement saying he stole the first sandwich. We’ll frame the statement and hang it on the wall.

Prosecutor: My opinion? He won’t come in. He’s already stolen items from three more stores. He’s a thief. Let me fill you in here. We’re aware there’s an organized group of about a hundred of these guys. They’re stealing all kinds of stuff, and not just from stores. They steal from delivery trucks and warehouses. They take the stuff to Petro, Mayor Biden’s Ukrainian cousin. This is an operation. Petro sells the loot. The mayor’s involved. See, the mayor’s really working for Petro. Petro’s got him over a barrel. If the mayor steps out of line, Petro’s got enough information to bury him.

Son: So Petro is the one we should really be after.

Prosecutor: I’m not suggesting that.

Son: We just own a deli, but we know people. We’re part of a community. We’re not a gang. My father came here, to this country, to earn a living, to work, to own his own business. He thought he’d be free of all that Soviet Union insanity in America, but I guess not. We’re not going to take this lying down…Petro. The mayor. You’ll see.

Prosecutor: We’re talking about a ham sandwich.

Son: Sliced very thin, with mustard, on real rye bread.

Owner: Sit down, we’ll make you one. You’ll tell us more about Mayor Biden and this Petro.

Prosecutor: You’re not supposed to serve me at a table.

Owner: When you remember secret police arresting your friends for saying the wrong thing, sitting down isn’t a problem.

The Matrix Revealed

(To read about Jon’s mega-collection, The Matrix Revealed, click here.)

Jon Rappoport

The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.

38 comments on “How is Joe Biden like a ham sandwich?

  1. No More Lies says:

    I started laughing when I read the title to this one! Now, I’ll go back and read it ????

  2. Opie Poik says:

    Ah, legal precedents. The alchemy of gummint, turning the lead of immorality into the gold of morality, via Ye Most Exalted Oracle of the Sacred Justification Hamster. Wait ’til this is used to dismiss cases such as rape in women’s restrooms by penis-wielding lesbians and vivisecting the healthy for their organs to benefit the sots and junkies and bathhouse petri dishes and enslaving white Christian heterosexual men for reparations. To each according to his need. Alexandria Overt-Commie’s sure to be on board wit’ it.

    Remember that old one, about how if Mama Cass and Karen Carpenter had only a-shared that ham sandwich, they’d both be alive today? Oh, what fun is coming our way.

  3. No More Lies says:

    Great scenario/story!
    Humor with facts.
    Great, Jim. Unfortunately, I have not seen the presidential inauguration or his speeches. I am having a hard time bringing myself to sit in front of a television for one thing but, to sit in front of the television and listen to this insanity and a man that reminds me of George Bush Junior. Both of them have Satan in their eyes. Period!

    • Lyn P says:

      I have found about 5% better mood via the already obvious brain-melt gaffes of the Fake POTUS. Make sure you find the video clip of the “marine salute” on InFOGuration day…was he even sworn in yet??

      His press secretary isn’t looking like the sharpest tack either.

      Oh how increasingly painful it will be for the schmedia to cover it all up. Before he’s out I predict a “Max Headroom” phase of existence from a virtual Oval Office, after which it’s Bye-Then!!

  4. Paul says:



    • Opie Poik says:

      It’s already in dress rehearsal and is being fully funded by wanton expansion of the money supply. We’re all gonna become Zimbabwe quadrillionaires. Hail Biden!

      • Larry C says:

        ‘We’re all gonna become Zimbabwe quadrillionaires. Hail Biden!’

        Where’s my wheel barrow? ☺

        • Opie Poik says:

          It’s been seized by Alexandria Overt-Communist and redistributed to right historical wrongs. Unfortunately, its recipient took it over Diversity Bridge, which collapsed, due to its having been built on unsupportable philosophy by publicly-supported philosophers, instead of on rebar and poured concrete by realty-based workmen.

  5. Pam says:

    A funny but sad satire of the organized crime that is our government. Check out disaster capitalism. I’ve been wondering if the man they’re passing off as Biden is really him. Was he in the basement having cosmetic surgery or is this man a double? He seems smaller in his bone structure.

  6. naomi116 says:

    Who said, What is truth first? Pilot. ” Pilate therefore said unto Him, art thou a king then? Jesus answered, Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice. Pilate saith unto Him, What is truth? And when he had said this, he went out again unto the Jews, and saith unto them, I find in Him no fault at all. But ye have a custom, that I should release unto you one at the Passover: will ye therefore that I release unto you the King of the Jews? Then cried they all again, saying, Not this man but Barabbas. Now Barabbas was a robber. John 18:37-40. You see how He took our place?

  7. R says:

    I live in a county where the DA was appointed by the Board of Supervisors, after the elected DA resigned due to a scandal. George Soros funded this appointed DA’s re-election campaign. Then, last summer, the Board of supervisors allowed BLACK LIVES MATTER to be painted on the street in front of the superior court house. Two months later, the DA has a book released that is the book of Need vs Prosecution. Our community has seen a huge rise in homelessness. The corruption is beyond stupid, Soviet Pravda – we’ve had phase 1 of our comeuppance.

    • Lyn P says:

      Soros’ thumb is in so many DA-election pies it’s astounding. The spider he extrudes from knows exactly all the areas to infiltrate to bring down the whole system.

  8. Michael Baird says:

    Damn you are good!! A hell of a bard besides an investigative reporter.

  9. Gail Albert says:

    This reads like CNN’s version of the recent events; when Democrats stole the election from Donald Trump. I think if was more obvious to outsiders like me than to President Trump how his legal team was just giving the illusion of doing the “correct” job. I think if an authority reviewed the paperwork submitted, they would find they didn’t do anything to prove corruption. They didn’t intend to! They collected huge sums of money from Trump and did nothing to help his cause intentionally. His legal team committed fraud themselves and should be sued for malpractice. However, I feel he would receive the same representation with the second team as the first. These people want to do away with President Trump as he doesn’t “stand up” to their desires.

  10. Eluard says:

    Jon, I told you this in the spring when your covid psyop exposé threatened the very foundations of “the western dream.” Now here you go sticking a fork into the sandwich, gooey with mustard as it is, of Amerikan Demonocracy.

    Careful my dear sir, you may pierce so deeply that you deafen the Ear of the Populace and cause involuntary Seeing. The only recourse for that malady is permanent awareness. The masses have been known to run straight for the hills at such a threat.

    “At dawn, armed with glowing patience, we enter the cities of glory.” Rimbaud.

  11. Sufoto says:

    Great analogy!! Thanks.

    • oranje says:

      But surely in what is really a fable the ham
      sandwich is the election and great “NEED” as they see
      it was to remove Trump. But the title made be chuckle
      and ‘deep state’ will be able to serve up any version
      of Biden that suits the agenda.

  12. Jim says:

    Yes, we are definitely living an Ayn Rand novel.

  13. Paul says:

    He’s a companion for cheese whiz?

    Spam may be used in place of ham?

    It’s all you got after you’ve eaten everything else in the refrigerator?

    It is the single most ordinary sandwich, lacking any imagination?

    And may I have it on wonder bread to increase its taste.

    If brought before a Grand Jury it will be easy to indict.

  14. Larry C says:


    Your allegory puts me in mind of a story or two that popped up from eastern Europe during the recent presidential jousting match….but I’ll be darned if I can recall the details.

    Something to do with a Hunter in the Oil Patch…

    Hmmm…. ????

  15. Like the Trump impeachment issue. The case is moot. it’s ex post facto.

  16. Grace says:

    Biden, Harris, Pelosi, Obumma, Hitlary, Humpbilly, Soros,Bushes, Pope,Queen etc ad nauseum-none are homosapiens, no, not one.From a place unspeakably worse than the swamp Trump spoke of draining but (of course) was forbidden,for the swamp is their decoy cover.
    You ever confronted~or been confronted by~a demon? I have, various places & times. They are real, really run the world’s governments, and are truly ushering in the antichrist. Prophecies are being fulfilled at a breakneck speed. Watch and pray. God being real (He is) and His son Jesus returning (He is, too) are the only lifeline we have. Get that, get right with God, cuz it’s getting real up in here!+!+!+

  17. lamberth says:

    Also known as Petrov, Petrosovich, Petrosovitz.
    Real name? Levi Schlomo III.
    Dual citizen.
    Frequent – all expenses paid – travels to tiny Middle Eastern state on the Mediterranean.
    Likes hot dogs with plenty of ketchup and mustard. Which always requires thorough cleaning of long, thick, black (but greying) beard afterwards. Sometimes he forgets, which makes for plenty of stares and photo-genetic opportunities.
    Om international watch-list, but only to aid in his nefarious endeavours, not curtail them.

  18. Tammie Lynn says:

    I could talk about civil liberties and civil rights that have been taken away from me and my children for the 15 + years and I still dont have a dam clue what most people are talking about.

    i know my invention was stolen and my 2 business were never registered with the IRS and my identity has been stolen and the more I talked the they took until we had nothing left not even a place to live.

    then came the harassment and tickets and jail and prison for my son and left on welfare. And no one will help me.

    i have traveled to Utah and San Fransico and Washington DC only to be terrorized all the way and I was screaming for them to let me off the plane and they wouldn’t frontier airlines funny my daughter went to frontier jounior high school. but I can also talk about many heads of state here

  19. Tim_2A says:

    I’ll just say that Biden is an ACTUAL SWINE, especially if you consider his little squinty eyes, and the mostly unintelligible noises he makes.

    If that’s so, then maybe the main reason for the objections by Sleepy’s team to ‘checking for a wire,’ before the debate with the President, was that his cloven hooves and curly tail would be seen, and then his probable porcine parentage would become known.

    Even if I was near death from starvation, and ‘Pal Joey’ was the only food source available, rather than suffering through the inevitable gastric distress (though I love it nice and crispy), I would have to decline a bacon breakfast.

    Maybe he’s a vegetable, though.

    • THX1138 says:

      Two legs good, four legs bad.

    • lamberth says:

      “Maybe he’s a vegetable, though.”
      Maybe a fruit. Lemon.

      “cloven hooves and curly tail”.
      Yeah, put Viking Man’s attire onto Biden and you’re getting pretty close to Baphomet. Just needs the red energy drink to grow the missing bits. It will be provided in sufficient doses, handy when you own the brewery.

      • Tim_2A says:


        I nearly wrote ‘spear-pointed,’ rather than “curly,” but swine, rather than ham, was the theme I followed.

        Someone likened B’s eyes to Satan’s, but who can say THAT, with any certainty?

        We CAN say THIS: Even by our cursory ‘long-distance’ observation of B’s slurring, stammering, confusion, his often repetitious and sometimes nonsensical phrase usage, and his increasingly combative personality, it’s clear that he’s demonstrating mental instability.

        I know, those’re all prerequisites for long-term government service, B, but after 35+ years, it’s time to PLEASE “…give (us) a break, man!”

        I’ve heard that he’s always been a jerk, though, so is any of this stuff new?

        I’ll still say again what I see happening: B’s Oval Office occupation, as a PLACEHOLDER, will last SIX MONTHS MAXIMUM, before his INEVITABLE permanently debilitating brain issue, or at least that’s what we’ll be told.

        Did you mean ‘RB,’ (the stuff in a can), as the “red energy drink,” or are you referring to ‘red blood?’ Blood DOES represent ‘life energy’ to Luciferians.

        As we witness the fact that he’s brought Fau(x)ci back into ‘power,’ it means they’re ‘ramping up’ their DEMOCIDE, through mandatory pharmaceutical poisoning, AND ITS CONCURRENT INFANTICIDE.


        Some haikus:

        “Empty Chair”

        -The ‘office’ is filled.
        -National BLOOD has been spilled.
        -Media? They’re THRILLED.

        “Why Would I Care?”

        -“Facts?? Don’t abuse me!”
        -“You’d better just amuse me!”
        -“Truth will confuse me!”

        “Time, For Hunter!!”

        -‘Fibbies?’ Won’t convict.
        -What would YOU predict?

        “Liberty, Or Death”

        -Freedom’s TRUTH is just.
        -HALT the tyrants’ greedful lust.
        -In God, place your trust.

  20. Markos says:

    Who’s the bigger thief, the one that runs off with the sandwich or the many that use fraudulent funds to steal it?

  21. THX1138 says:

    From ancient history:
    It is an old joke that a Grand Jury would indict a ham sandwich if you wanted them to. The joke comes from the reality that Grand Jury proceedings are kind of a sham.

    First, the burden of proof at a Grand Jury proceeding is probable cause. The prosecutor must prove that there is probable cause to bring criminal charges against the Defendant. Probable cause is the lowest burden of proof. The only burden of proof lower is ‘reasonable suspicion’. The burden an officer must have to stop a vehicle for example.

    Second, neither a defense attorney, nor the defendant himself can be present at the Grand Jury proceeding. The proceedings are closed proceedings. You can imagine what the consequences are when you have one hand clapping. The prosecutor’s bias view rules the day. There are rules of conduct that require the prosecutor to present evidence in mitigation, but you can only imagine the half hearted presentation that this evidence is given.

    Consequently, anytime a prosecutor wants to indict a Defendant on a felony charge, he can do so. It is a very rare occurrence for a Grand Jury to refuse to indict a Defendant.

    That is what is so interesting about the Ferguson case. Why didn’t the Grand Jury indict the officer that shot Michael Brown? At a minimum it appears that there were conflicting statements from witnesses, some witnesses that say that Michael Brown was surrendering and still being shot. Whether these witnesses are credible or not, why didn’t the grand jury at least find probable cause? Did the prosecutor sabotage his own case in order to shift blame from himself to the Grand Jury? Now the prosecutor can say, well I tried to charge the officer, but the Grand Jury refused to find probable cause.

    What bothers me the most is not that the Grand Jury failed to indict the officer. What bothers me is that under no circumstances would a Grand Jury have failed to indict anyone else that wasn’t wearing a badge. There is a double standard in our country when it comes to self defense. When an officer of the law defends himself, he is nearly always given the benefit of the doubt, and nearly always cleared of any wrong doing. Anytime any other citizen defends themselves they face the very real possibility that they will be charged and convicted of murder.

  22. rolf watness says:

    Arf wit der’aidz!!

  23. Jim says:

    And the WHO has now issued new guidelines for the coronavirus to lower false positives. I guess biden will get credit for this. This whole thing is just so ridiculous that I can’t feel any sympathy for those stupid enough to buy into it. Stupidity and liberty don’t mix.

  24. James says:

    Clearly it’s the fault of the ham sandwich for allowing itself to be stolen and then eaten . Where’s the personal responsibility ?
    Indict the ham sandwich now !

  25. Greg Osborne says:

    Didn’t Saul Alinsky pull a lunch counter scam like this in his younger days?

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