Alan Dershowitz is now a Woody Allen parody

Garbage time on the Piers Morgan show: Alan Dershowitz is now a Woody Allen parody

by Jon Rappoport

January 8, 2013

Doing garbage time on Piers Morgan after Alex Jones cut Piers a hundred new ones, “America’s defense lawyer,” Alan Dershowitz, tried to label Alex an “exhibit,” a piece of evidence for gun control.

All Alan needed to do was muss his hair a little and he would have been the neurotic NYC Jewish intellectual Woody Allen played and parodied in five hundred of his early movies.

“I mean…the man (Alex) is scary. He never read Kierkegaard or Heidegger and yet,…he gives off this flavor, this effluent, of being a real existentialist, but he backs it up with Gatling Guns… This isn’t coming from Columbia or Harvard or Sartre. It’s right out of Mein Kampf or something. He’s like a Norman Mailer from Texas. I refuse to go to Texas. I’m afraid they’ll pump gas into my mouth and feed me to their wild dogs. I hear in Texas, if you read an actual book all the way through, they take you out at night and castrate you on the prairie. A friend of mine once went to Texas and never came back. Just disappeared. A few years later, his sister got his thumb in the mail…”

Alan did the I’m-really-sort-of-scared-of-the-man (Alex) quite well. Concern, worry, a tinge of fear, as if he were watching a tiger on 59th Street heading toward the Hotel Pierre after escaping from the Central Park Zoo.

Well, Alan’s a high-priced lawyer. He knows roles. In 1986, when Reversal of Fortune, the film about the Klaus von Bulow murder trial, was being cast, Alan, who was a featured character, wanted Woody to play him. Woody declined, and part went to Ron Silver.

Now Alan’s playing Woody on live television.

“Really…I’d be scared to be in the man’s (Alex’s) home. If I disagreed with him about something, he might cook me on the grill in the back yard and call his pals over to chew on my liver. Don’t they have a law in Texas where you can file a petition to suspend cannibalism laws in special cases? I head about a trial where the judge allowed a hunter to eat his neighbor’s leg because the guy lost their deer that was strapped to the roof of his van. They don’t teach Evolution in Texas because there isn’t any. When the sun sets, half the population crawls back into lakes and ponds to breathe through their gills.”

Drum roll, cymbal crash.

The Matrix Revealed

Then Piers says, “No, Alan, the thing that really scares me about people like him (Alex), is…”

Then Alan says, “No, Piers, the issue with people like this really is…”

They top each other for several rounds, plumbing the depths of Alex’s fearful demeanor,, and it’s a wrap for another show on CNN, the most trusted name in networks with no ratings.

I’m working on a new petition: Exhume Larry King!

Bring him back. Prop his suspendered corpse in the chair and let him interview OJ’s fourth cousin and Carol Burnett’s costume designer.

If Piers doesn’t want to go back to England and talk about phone-hacking scandals, he can shovel out what’s piled high and deep in the CNN studio every night.

Jon Rappoport

The author of an explosive collection, THE MATRIX REVEALED, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free emails at

7 comments on “Alan Dershowitz is now a Woody Allen parody

  1. sofdmc says:

    This advocate for torture called for violence against Alex Jones and his family. I have saved the youtube AJ channel video of this disgusting man on hard drive as well as on backup and I urge everyone else, inside and outside the United States to do the same, on hard drive and on a separate back up not connected in any way to the internet that might allow remote access and deletion.

    That way even if they shut down the internet, he and the witches shown on either side cannot escape prosecution with maximum extent under Common Law in a future court with judges appointed by the citizenry.

  2. sofdmc says:

    Check out the youtube video ‘Piers Morgan and guests call for shooting Alex Jones’, and the guests called on some time after Alan Dershowitz who advocated violence against Alex Jones and his family.

  3. hybridrogue1 says:

    Personally, I see Dershowitz as one of the truly scariest people on the planet.

    To think this creep has a voice that is listened to is frightening.

    That’s life in the Big Blue Penal Colony…


  4. Mar says:

    Alan Dershowitz is an egomaniac who is very full of himself. Such a man is a useful tool in today’s America. The scary part is that there are people who do actually listen to him.

  5. gaybird says:

    So great! Alan D. playing America’s Favorite Pedophile (Woody Allen)! American vaudeville at it’s best.

  6. A Concerned Citizen says:

    Alan Dershowitz is a complete fraud and now, a running joke. It a shame that the law students at Harvard, which is about 1000 times more competitive than it was when Dershowitz must be subjected to the ranting of crack pot who believes his own press. “The Famous Criminal Law in the World”, really, in China, Russia, Latin America, the former Soviet bloc Slavic countries, Africa, etc. That tactics used in the Finkelstein debate- interrupting, repeating “Right?” “Right” would have him held in contempt. The O.J. Trial was the first long running realty show- in a court room away from cameras, Dershowitz would be shredded for interrupting, making theoretical arguments with no basis in fact, and so. As far as his Zionist rants and blind defense of Israel are concerned, the world (except for the US) has condemned the Gaza settlements as violating the Geneva Convention. Time is not on Israel’s side (and definitely not on Dershowitz’s side)- with the US as Israel’s only ally- is inevitable that the Zionist state will soon face its hostile neighbors alone. With the US currently provides a mind-blogging $3.1 billion to Israel as well as military support- meanwhile stateside, the economy is moribund, the voting base which is increasingly younger, non-white, and mystified why they should pay for something the Germans did 70 plus years ago. Dershowitz is a “Criminal lawyer” alright- As the Feinstein interview showed, he is criminally myopic, self centered and, well, delusional.

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