NEWS ROUNDUP FOR A JADED BUT SECURE AUDIENCE
SEPTEMBER 24, 2010. ITEM 1: Okay, so the Democrats and Republicans in the senate are launching proposals to settle the issue of the death tax—AKA, the estate tax.
You know, where you croak and your lawyer reads the will to your relatives, all of whom have calculators in their hands.
The Democrats want to grab 55% of any estate worth above $1 million. The Republicans want 35% of any estate above $5 million.
Am I missing something here? Is there some intrinsic mystical reason for considering death a “taxable moment?” Or is it just another opportunity to grab huge chunks of loot from people who can’t complain because they’re in a box in the ground?
I thought so.
You work all your life, you accumulate assets, but they aren’t yours. Only part is yours. And your passing marks the fact that the feds have their hands up your stuff.
“So at the funeral of my beloved father today, I want to welcome family and friends…and the IRS, who is taking 55 points from his estate. As an aside, how can I get in on this friggin’ racket?”
ITEM 2: Drudge headline this morning: DC OVERRUN BY ‘STINK BUGS’. Hey, we know that. They crawl around, don’t do anything useful, and man do they look ugly. Frank, Waxman, add your own faves…
ITEM 3: Warren Buffet tells taxpayers to get over their anger. It’s not productive, he says. Thanks, Warren. I was looking for a little of that homespun wisdom. Now will you buy me an ice cream cone at the corner sweet shop? Taxpayer anger was probably unproductive back in 1776, too. That Tom Paine was a real prick.
ITEM 4: 1% of the UK population is gay and lesbian. National survey. But here’s the good part. A half of one percent, when given the choice of listing themselves as straight, gay, or bisexual, said they were “other.” They’re the most interesting ones. Animals? Tree trunks? Fire hydrants? Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason? I’m waiting for an activist group forming around the idea of gay men coming out of the closet and admitting they’re really straight. Wait. It’ll happen. You know why? Because by my count, 84% of people want to confess a secret, any secret, and if there’s a sliver of a chance they can get on TV to do it, they’ll friggin’ say ANYTHING.
ITEM 5: Is Hillary Duff ready for motherhood? Question was posed by ET or TMZ or Crapola Video News. Not ready to give a considered answer yet. But how about Hillary Clinton running for veep along side Obama? Don’t count it out. Bill gets appointed as ambassador to England or Germany to keep him out of the way. Build-a-Burger.
ITEM 6: Now that the hubbub has died down and is rotting in the sun—the book was wrong. The movie was wrong. It should have been Love, Pray, Eat. Eat yourself into oblivion. Far more interesting.
ITEM 7: Nasal spray cures shyness. Study reveals that shooting oxytocin up your nose—the so-called love hormone—allows socially unproficient types to achieve more empathy. But do we want them to? It might turn out to be another nightmare form of political correctness. How about a spray that makes you more rebellious, intelligent, and daring in situations where everything hangs in the balance?
ITEM 8: In case anyone’s still interested, since the current news cycle on it is done, the Mosque at Ground Zero is complete bullshit. And I’m not even talking about hidden agendas. Anyone who builds a big center dedicated to peace, understanding, international good will, and cooperation is fronting a line of old fashioned jive. It means nothing. It does nothing except produce mountains of insincere brain-wasting rhetoric and bad lunches.
ITEM 9: Tumors may cure chemotherapy. Don’t count it out.
JON RAPPOPORT